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Sol

27, They/he
Sol, a brown Indonesian person, holds a steely, direct gaze. They are sitting on their pink bed and have wavy hair that reaches to their waist.
Sol at home in Dulwich Hill.















Sol looks to their left, illuminated by a tungsten light. The image is cropped to above their chest, and we see a small heart tattooed on their jaw.
They have an affinity for all things pink and their skirt reads ‘ACAB’.

Sol

27, They/he
Sol, a brown Indonesian person, holds a steely, direct gaze. They are sitting on their pink bed and have wavy hair that reaches to their waist.
Sol at home in Dulwich Hill.

Sol: [To] be in that space with other white men, it's just impossible. I feel like they make it impossible. Because on top of my race, there's like a whole [other aspect] — I'm Indonesian, which is really bad. You know, there's white men who really fetishize Indonesians. When I was in Indonesia, every white man I knew there had an Indonesian girlfriend. But I did convince one girl to steal [her white boyfriend’s] wallet. And that was really fun [laughs]. But it was just such a power imbalance. If I assert myself, all of a sudden, their dick goes soft [laughs]. [White men are] not interested in what I offer, in terms of racial and gender expectations. I've just kind of, like, turned it on its head, and none of them are interested in that. It's very rare that non-POC (people of colour) people are interested in me, because I think they just see me as an alien. Because as a Muslim, I shouldn't be desirable at all. How I act makes it very difficult for them to sort of see me as like a docile, Asian woman. And then on top of that, I'm very strict about not being called a girl or woman. A lot of white people, not only men, but I think also girls, they just don't know where I'm coming from. They don't know what that is. So, it's very difficult for me to even maintain close friendships with white people. And as I said I only really feel comfortable dating or fucking people if I'm already friends with them. So they never even get to that level with me. Because I just don't fit into any of those expectations. Except for a couple people that I've known for a very long time. But yeah, I've actually tried. You know, I've tried to meet up with white boys and white girls and it's just — I don't know. It's just the look — [where] you're looking at me but you're not seeing or you're just kind of looking through me because I'm not what you expected. There's always going to be a skinnier, lighter-skinned Asian girl who actually likes white men and white girls. Who is easier to talk to, that'd rather go to them. So I'm just like, ‘Alright, mmm bye I'm sorry.’ [Laughs] But yeah, that's my logic. So I tend to sort of stay with my friends who are mostly Asian. Mostly people of colour, if I really think about it. And mostly trans, because they're more open to negotiating what I want and what they want. I just think they’re more respectful of it and also there's a lot less racial and gender expectations.


Sol looks to their left, illuminated by a tungsten light. The image is cropped to above their chest, and we see a small heart tattooed on their jaw.
They have an affinity for all things pink and their skirt reads ‘ACAB’.


Dorcas: Yeah, I think that part about what you said about someone's just looking through you, physically seeing you but [not really understanding]. I think that resonates with me. Yeah, like someone who doesn't view you entirely as you want [them] to.

S: Something that I've been really thinking about recently is that I don't really fit into the Asian archetype. I'm a bit darker skinned and I'm not skinny. I'm not East Asian. Especially in Australia, people — not even sexually — don't know how to place me racially because I don't look like [what] Australians think of an Asian initially. And when it comes to desire, I’m left out because I'm not even — I hate saying ‘represented’ — but that's not the image of what I'm supposed to be. Especially the fat thing. A lot of people think all Asians are skinny. If they see a fat Asian person, that’s an exception. So we can just look through them or something. I feel that a lot recently. I think it's also got to do with social media or something. The pool of people who find me desirable gets smaller and smaller, you know?
Sol: [To] be in that space with other white men, it's just impossible. I feel like they make it impossible. Because on top of my race, there's like a whole [other aspect] — I'm Indonesian, which is really bad. You know, there's white men who really fetishize Indonesians. When I was in Indonesia, every white man I knew there had an Indonesian girlfriend. But I did convince one girl to steal [her white boyfriend’s] wallet. And that was really fun [laughs]. But it was just such a power imbalance. If I assert myself, all of a sudden, their dick goes soft [laughs]. [White men are] not interested in what I offer, in terms of racial and gender expectations. I've just kind of, like, turned it on its head, and none of them are interested in that. It's very rare that non-POC (people of colour) people are interested in me, because I think they just see me as an alien. Because as a Muslim, I shouldn't be desirable at all. How I act makes it very difficult for them to sort of see me as like a docile, Asian woman. And then on top of that, I'm very strict about not being called a girl or woman. A lot of white people, not only men, but I think also girls, they just don't know where I'm coming from. They don't know what that is. So, it's very difficult for me to even maintain close friendships with white people. And as I said I only really feel comfortable dating or fucking people if I'm already friends with them. So they never even get to that level with me. Because I just don't fit into any of those expectations. Except for a couple people that I've known for a very long time. But yeah, I've actually tried. You know, I've tried to meet up with white boys and white girls and it's just — I don't know. It's just the look —  [where] you're looking at me but you're not seeing or you're just kind of looking through me because I'm not what you expected. There's always going to be a skinnier, lighter-skinned Asian girl who actually likes white men and white girls. Who is easier to talk to, that'd rather go to them. So I'm just like, ‘Alright, mmm bye I'm sorry.’ [Laughs] But yeah, that's my logic. So I tend to sort of stay with my friends who are mostly Asian. Mostly people of colour, if I really think about it. And mostly trans, because they're more open to negotiating what I want and what they want. I just think they’re more respectful of it and also there's a lot less racial and gender expectations.

Dorcas: Yeah, I think that part about what you said about someone's just looking through you, physically seeing you but [not really understanding]. I think that resonates with me. Yeah, like someone who doesn't view you entirely as you want [them] to.

S: Something that I've been really thinking about recently is that I don't really fit into the Asian archetype. I'm a bit darker skinned and I'm not skinny. I'm not East Asian. Especially in Australia, people — not even sexually —don't know how to place me racially because I don't look like [what] Australians think of an Asian initially. And when it comes to desire, I’m left out because I'm not even — I hate saying ‘represented’ — but that's not the image of what I'm supposed to be. Especially the fat thing. A lot of people think all Asians are skinny. If they see a fat Asian person, that’s an exception. So we can just look through them or something. I feel that a lot recently. I think it's also got to do with social media or something. The pool of people who find me desirable gets smaller and smaller, you know?